The Kneeling Submissive

If you’re already in the submissive role, or you yearn to be, you want to find out how to be a good submissive. You want to know what it means and how you can take on the role of a sub. Even though it can seem as simple as just saying ‘yes’ to whatever a Mistress or Master might ask you to do, the process of learning how to be a sub is more complicated.

You will begin the journey of learning how to be a good submissive by getting a Dominant that is willing to train you. Since you cannot train yourself, you will need to work with someone who is going to meet your needs and allow you to make a few mistakes now and again. Find someone who has already training other submissives in how to be a sub, since this will nearly guarantee that you are getting solid training.

At the same time, you can also begin to change your mindset when you are in the submissive role. Take out a journal and entitle it, “How Can I Serve a Dominant?” Each day, write one page that answers the main question that is on this journal. A s you do, you will find that you are learning how to be a sub, as well as how to stay in the right head space to serve.

Over time, you will find that different Dominants want different things from their submissives, so the process of learning how to be a good submissive actually continues long after you’ve been trained.

Take notes after your training sessions when you’re finding out how to be a sub, since this can help you spot ways that you can improve, even if your Dominant hasn’t given you any corrections.

Collars & Cuffs For Effective BDSM Training

When you’re in a BDSM relationship, control is everything. The environment can help control a slave, but so can the toys that are in the room. With a bondage collar and a set of bondage cuffs you can put the slave into the right headspace for the training you have to do.

A bondage collar can be something as simple as a dog collar from a pet store or as elaborate as a high end suede leather collar specifically made for slaves. This collar is meant to represent the control the Dominant has over the slave. Once that collar is placed around the slave’s neck, the slave has to submit to all of the instructions they receive from the Dominant.

A collar is often given to a slave that has been through a certain period of training, as sort of graduation present. When they are given this collar, they know they are owned.

Bondage cuffs can help to restrict movement of a slave and can serve as another reminder of the slave’s position in the dungeon. If the slave puts them on as soon as they are in the dungeon, they are showing they are ready to be controlled and to be trained.

You can find a number of different bondage cuffs at sex shops and online stores. These can be found in basic leather or in fun designs with fur. Or you can make bondage cuffs out of bondage tape or rope. Some find that using one set of cuffs is most effective since the slave will begin to associate training with those cuffs.

With the right toys and tools in the dungeon, the slave and the Dominant will have a clear way to see who is in charge and who is submissive. With a bondage collar and bondage cuffs as a part of your training, you can begin to immediately establish the mood and begin effective training sessions.

How to be a Good Submissive

No matter what level of training you have as a sub, it can help to think about how to be a good submissive. When you are training with a Dom or Domme, you will need to know what is expected of you and how you can fulfill your role in the most productive way possible.

Some tips for how to be a sub include:

• Listening to your Dom or Domme – When you’re in the middle of a scene and you’re not listening to what a Dom or Domme is saying, you will miss out on the opportunity that the training has to offer. You need to listen to every word so that you can learn the lessons being taught.
• Speaking up when limits are crossed – If you have a contract with your Dom or Domme and your limits are crossed, you need to be comfortable enough to speak up. This will help to establish trust and comfort in your BDSM relationship.
• Trusting yourself to do what needs to be done – While there may be times as a sub where you don’t believe you can do what is asked of you, realize that your Dom or Domme would not ask you to do something that they didn’t think you were capable of doing.
• Being eager and ready to please your Dominant – Every training session is a chance to learn how to be a good submissive by listening and doing things that please your Dominant.

If you’re just learning how to be a sub, you can begin with the basics of establishing trust and listening closely to what is asked of you. In time, you will develop the right mindset and become the best slave possible for your Dom or Domme.

Which BDSM Toys are Right for You?

 

If you’re interested in BDSM, you will want to invest in bondage gear. This can include anything from ropes and handcuffs to bondage tape and other assorted binding materials. There are a few things that you want to keep in mind when selecting and purchasing BDSM toys and bondage gear:

• It should be reusable/washable – If you’re using bondage gear on more than one partner or you want to bind areas of the body that produce fluids, it’s more sanitary to get washable bondage gear – i.e. ropes. Things like bondage tape may not be able to be used more than once for the best hygiene practices. Leather bondage gear can be used again and again, but it should be washed regularly.
• Start with more than you think you need – This is the best rule to follow when buying rope for your bondage gear collection. You will always need more rope than you think you need, especially when doing full body bondage.
• Feel the bondage gear first – Check to make sure the surface of the ropes or other binding materials is soft on the skin, as the slave shouldn’t be in unnecessary pain with BDSM toys.

You can find bondage gear in kits when you go to sex stores and sex shops. When you find these kits, it will allow you to have everything you need when you’re first starting out. As you begin to learn more about BDSM toys, then you can add in new items that are more specific to the types of play you wan to do with your partners.

Finally, remember that bondage gear is going to eventually wear out, especially when you use it often. So, if you use items that wear down, remember that you need to replace these BDSM toys every year or so to make sure it can still tie someone up good and tight.

Becoming A Dominatrix

Even if you don’t want to be a professional dominatrix, you might want to pick up a few of their skills.  They can control men without having to say a word and that can be a hot addition to your current sex life.  With just a few basic tips and some dominatrix training, you can learn how to be a dominatrix, someone who is able to control another and make them see just how much they need someone to look after them.

Begin dominatrix training – By reading some books and watching BDSM videos, you can learn more about what a dominatrix might look like, and then you can figure out how you want to take on this role.
Find out the limits of the partner – Before you can be a dominatrix, you need to know what limits your partner has so you don’t push them past these boundaries.
Punish bad behavior – Make sure it’s clear that there are punishments for bad behavior.
Reward good behavior – At the same time, you will want to reward good behavior so you’re encouraging your slave to act in a certain way.
Create a dungeon space – Have the bedroom or dungeon space ready to go, with a slight bit of intimidation that is fitting of a dominatrix.  Have the tools of your trade laid out and ready for your slave.

You can become a dominatrix in your own bedroom, without having to do extensive dominatrix training.  Much of the training you need comes from the hands-on experience you get with playing with your partner.  If you can communicate well together, then you will find out what works and what doesn’t to create an ideal BDSM scene.

And don’t forget to dress the part of the dominatrix.  You want to make sure that you look like someone to fear when you walk into the room or the dungeon, that’s often the most important piece in how to be a dominatrix.

Bringing Another Master into a Scene

a.k.a. Co-Topping

It never hurts to spice things up once in a while when you’re exploring BDSM. After all, how many times can you do the traditional tie up and torture scene? Sometimes, you might want to have an extra hand to make things a bit more intense for your female slave – and that’s where co-topping comes in. This practice involves having two Masters (or Mistresses) on hand to take over the slave and give them an intense training session they might not soon forget. Sounds like fun, doesn’t it?

Is Two Better Than One in BDSM Training?

If you’ve been feeling like your slave might need an extra challenge or they might have learned all they can from you, bringing in an additional Master might be just what your relationship needs. Together, you and this other Master can train the slave or just test them to see what they can do. Two Masters will bring two different personalities to the scene, causing the slave to adapt and to quickly please both Dominants, not just the one to which they are accustomed.

At the same time, having two Masters on hand can be confusing for a slave and it can often undo training that has already been accomplished when a slave is newer to BDSM training. It’s a better idea to use co-topping scenes with a more experienced slave so that any training is not tossed out the window.

Preplanning Your Scene

When you have two men in charge, things can get hairy as you might not know what the other person wants to do, likes to do, and is capable of doing. Ideally, you want to sit down with the other Master to negotiate the way you both will handle the slave. You might create a basic outline of events and things you will need to affect the slave. That said, you should also leave some room for improvisation and flexibility as a scene that flows naturally is the best experience for everyone.

Talk about the scene ahead of time, not only with the other Master, but also with the slave. The slave will need to be reassured that she will only be asked to do things to which she has already agreed – nothing more. If new limits need to be discussed, then this discussion needs to happen long before the fun begins. If the slave is hesitant to bring in another Master, perhaps new limitations can be discussed – for example, the new Master might not be able to touch the genitals of the slave or do certain things their true Master does.

When Things Get Messy

Of course, even the best laid plans can go awry. When you are in the middle of a scene, things can get out of control. One Master might try to do more than they agreed or things might just get a bit more intense as the emotions get riled up. In this case, the slave needs to be able to stop the scene with a safeword or safe gesture. In addition, it might be a good idea for the Masters to work out some sort of code for when they need to slow things down or when they need to stop something already in progress. For example, if the slave is hurt or the slave training is becoming too challenging, the Master of the slave needs to be able to stop things or change things up so that the momentum of the scene is not lost, but the slave is not going to be hurt.

Co-topping can be a challenging situation for both the Master and for the slave. But with a little practice and planning, these scenes not only help a slave learn to focus their attention, but they can also help a Master learn new devious tricks.